They Say I'm Depressed

I'm Odell. I'm an addict and a surrogate father in Jonestown. I was, of course. Before I lost my faith and, as they say, everything with it.

How do you recover from that?

To be honest, I didn't have much of a faith to begin with - except for the nurse with whom we went looking for the survivors. To bring them back to the armed guards and the spiked Kool-Aid. That was the plan, at least. But I thought that in the end, we would improvise.

Well, we didn't. 

I wanted to say something. Now I can't seem to remember what it was.

Wait a second. Hold on. Stay tuned and drop dead. I've made some notes, but they are of no use to me now:

http://invaasio.nettisivu.org/devil/

As they stepped beyond the crossbows, Odell realized that he would have to kill the nurse. Fortunately, she instructed him to look in one building while she searched the other. Odell entered the nursing office and made his way to the back of the building, where there was a senior center; most of the people there were bedridden.

"Are you the man who is going to take us up there?" an old woman asked.

"You know what they're doing up there?" Odell said.

"We know."

"I'm not the man to take you."

- Tim Cahill, "In the Valley of the Shadow of Death: Guyana After the Jonestown Massacre". Rolling Stone, January 25, 1979.

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/in-the-valley-of-the-shadow-of-death-guyana-after-the-jonestown-massacre-19790125?print=true