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Zombie Marxist Checklist

CARL BILDT reads aloud.

Alarmingly, liberal interventionists have also begun talking up military action.

Alarming my ass. It’s a time machine! Twenty years, vanished. What we might have learned from Bosnia has been wiped clean. Gone, pushed aside by the nonsense that has occupied our minds ever since. The eternal youth. The drowning puppies. The monetary crisis. The spies. Terrorists. Internet. They all add up to one thing: Tabula rasa, born into the everlasting  present, everlasting amnesia, amen.

This isn’t how history should work. You are supposed to learn from history. Unless, of course, you are among the Living Dead.

The Zombie Marxists are drooling themselves cockeyed over this. This is the nearest to the Paradise their tiny minds can possibly conceive of: to be able to fuck with your memory loss forever. And, believe me, they are doing it all over the place, every chance they get. Listen to this:

Fortunately, the American people, tired of wasting lives and resources on misadventures abroad, oppose even arming the Syrian rebels. That mirrors public opinion among our European allies and in the Arab world, which has seen quite enough of the freedom delivered by American bombs and missiles.

Opinion among our European allies? Who the fuck is that? Whose opinion exactly are you talking about here, you Stalinist bitch? I’m your European ally, and nobody from The Nation has asked my opinion on anything. So, thanks a bunch for speaking on my behalf, and speaking dirt.

Of course, you are right.

Let Them Die.

Who cares? We have more important stories to cover.

Like my upcoming indictment.

One more thing about the Zombie Marxist, though, lest I forget.

You’ve heard so much about them. How do you spot them?

“Beware the Zombie Marxists” is easy to say, but how do you do it, if you don’t know who they are?

A very good point. An excellent point, if I may say so. I’ll hereby present you with a short checklist.

Could somebody please come onstage and tweet about what’s being said here? This is important. Come here. Sit with me. I’m too busy teaching. Can’t type at the same time. All right. Fine.

The first and foremost characteristic of a Zombie Marxist is an irrational opposition to everything and anything that comes with the label “made in the US.” Be it an idea, a policy, or a sandwich.

Got it? Good.

The second thing about a Zombie Marxist, he always sides up with people who are up to their elbows in blood. Find the Monsters, and, hiding behind their backs, you’ll find the Zombies. They must think it's original, somehow.

Third, the Zombies are obsessed with the former Yugoslavia. So am I. That’s how I found them. We have absolutely nothing in common between us, save for this sad little playground which we share.

Let me tell you what they think. They think that enough time has passed. That what exactly happened has been forgotten, and they can replace it with their version of bullshit propaganda.

Then again, it's possible that nobody cared who killed whom in the first place. All the better for the Zombie Marxists.

It was a Civil War. That's what they're clinging to like a bunch of rabid pit bulls. And ancient hatreds. Always remember the ancient hatreds. Plus, of course, the bias of the western media. The US is the boogieman, always.

Guess who stopped the war in Bosnia, and how? Let's take a poll.

Scroll down until you find a question and four alternatives. Please answer. It is extremely important for me personally that you answer, personally. Thank you.

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